Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Sober January is a disaster.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My feet surprised me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
