your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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