I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
