I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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