Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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