Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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