I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
