Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
