Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found puke in my bra..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
