This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
