This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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