You're my little dorito
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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