I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
