There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize