hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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