Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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