no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
