She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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