we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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