I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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