i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
