I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
