belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
