If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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