Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tornado booty call.. dedication
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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