In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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