Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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