Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
