Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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