She is in my trunk
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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