So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
