she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize