Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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