I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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