I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I want to fling myself into the sun
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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