I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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