I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
