Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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