Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
