Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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