we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
