Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
