Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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