cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize