I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
