it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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