I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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