i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
