im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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