she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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