apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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