I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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