It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I cannot find my penis.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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