went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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