i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
