I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
