i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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