Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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