So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize