You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
