So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
