1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
