so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
