You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
