im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
