1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
