i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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