from now on my penis is your penis
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I would fuck him just for his dog
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
