I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
