Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This is the prime rib incident all over again
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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