It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
