i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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