What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
