i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
