i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
