Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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