I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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