You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
