im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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