It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
