Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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