every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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