i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
