Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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