I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
