I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
