i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
