Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize