So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
