he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
