Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
