The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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