he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
