how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
