you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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