Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
