and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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