you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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