I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
