i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize