So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
