And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
ok first of all what the fuck
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
