I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
