its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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