i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
