did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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