we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
