...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize