I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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