So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
