If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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